He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
