dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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