Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
