I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
