im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
