Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
