im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
