My boss' voice literally gives me gas
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
