who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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