I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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