guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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