i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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