cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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