I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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