So drunk, too bad you don't want this
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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