There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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