I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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