I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
