he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
