Yo dont text me then not text me
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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