you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
