After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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