It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize