needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
