there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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