I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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