just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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