She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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