My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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