FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
