if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Are we still banned from the library?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
