it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
