At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
