mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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