he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
