You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
where am i from again
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
