Got a toothbrush?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
