covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
