I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize