Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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