You can't motorboat a personality
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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