Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
