i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You are the jesus of drinking
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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