I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
