I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
zippers are such a cool invention
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
