she takes plan B like it's going out of style
zippers are such a cool invention
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
