Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
