God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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