I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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