somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
