is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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