I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize