Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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