1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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