Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
do nipples grow back?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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