also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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