she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
