Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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