Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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