I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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