Betty ford says i'm here all night
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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