So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
