I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
