Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize